Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
