Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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