your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
