Whod you bang
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
