he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
