no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
