3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
