Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
