hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
