i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
