The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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