gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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