this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
