My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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