Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
