he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
