I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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