im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
