you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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