Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
