took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
