Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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