Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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