I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
