He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
