he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
