You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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