What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
