people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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