Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
