I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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