Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
