fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
