Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
