He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
