Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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