i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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