why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
