my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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