note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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