And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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