I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't turn off my feet"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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