guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
