Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
