Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
