Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
