I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
