I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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