the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He has the fingertips of a God
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