Apparently you make a good broom.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
