Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
